Metube?

I love tetris.





Also, this is fun.

Hi, Larry S.

While in California, Liebhaber and I discovered a book full of hilarious art. It was called Bent Objects, and it started as a blog. We looked through the whole thing, laughing hysterically at each page, but his sisters and mama didn't get it. In fact, his mom told us she was happy we found each other because no one else understood what was so funny.

Perhaps she is right. I will let you be the judge.

One of my personal favorites is the collection he did with circus peanuts, aptly titled the Circus Peanut Circus:

Thanksgiving and Other Assorted Activities

Thanksgiving was fabulous, and the trip to California was much needed and so fun. I love seeing family, and it was really great to spend more time with Liebhaber's side and get to know them better. I forgot my camera, which is too bad, because there were a LOT of photo opportunities. Alas. Some highlights:

I learned a new game called nertz, and earned my father-in-law's respect by winning. He was on my team, but I would like to point out that I helped considerably with the win due to my speed and agility.

Liebhaber and I went to the beach, and it was lovely as always. We went to Salt Creek, and while we didn't swim, we frolicked and chased birds. People watched us and I'm sure they commented on our immaturity, but we didn't notice. We were too busy trying to catch one. True love.

We also saw a dead bird on the beach and I nearly started crying because it was so unexpected and its neck was all wonky and it was sad. RIP.

I rode the roller coaster in Primm. It was a nice way to break up the road trip. Apparently it has one of the biggest drops for a roller coaster in North America. And I wasn't even scared. Much.

I went to Hollywood for the first time. Unimpressed. LA is dirty and old, I don't know why anyone would want to live there. It also reeks of desperation. Some of the suburbs are nice, but for the most part, blegh. We did get to go to Amoeba Music, though, which was rad. It's a very large music store. I could shop for hours. Too bad I didn't have more money.

For Afton's birthday (Liebhaber's sister) we had delicious sushi. I am fairly certain I outate everyone at the table except Liebhaber, and I came close to owning him as well. Skills. Mad skills. I wish I lived closer to Ra, the place we went to, because it has half off sushi every day from 3-7pm and it was some of the best sushi I've ever had. Om nom nom.

Now I am back in Utah and counting down the days to Christmas and Washington. I love the holidays and family and all that goes with that. Hooray.

Shanksgiving

Drivin down to California for the week. Gon spend some time with the in-laws. Love visiting family. I hope you all have a happy Thanksgiving.

Or else.

Crazy People

There are some celebrities that are crazy. Or maybe all of them. Either way, really. The way I see it, there are 2 types of crazy celeb. The obnoxious type:

And the entertaining type:

My new favorite entertaining crazy person is Lady Gaga. I enjoy her music, and she actually can sing, which is a plus. Her performances cannot be described any other way than batshit insane. And I love her for it.

I love Jay-Z at the end trying to act like everything he just saw was normal. Although he did marry Beyonce Sasha Fierce, so maybe to him, it was.

I want to be in a concept meeting for one of these productions. "What if, like, we had these bodysuits that were nude colored so we look naked except for a T on our crotches and then, like, these bones that have lights in them so it's like PARTY bones. And our dance is very robotic, with a lot of scratching, we just scratch and scratch at the air. Like cats. Or dinosaurs. And then it's a mashup, so when we transition to the next bit I break the glass with my microphone, symbolizing the power of feminism, and there is a piano and I play it but there is also FIRE. And then the violinists can wear gas masks and be in cages. And I will act out my lyrics by breaking bottles of liquor on my piano whilst crying and there will be so much DRAMA."

What else can you expect from a alumni of TISCH, I suppose. At least she didn't kill herself again.

The Whitest Elephant

I love Christmas. There are so many things about it that I love. And I am so excited that it is coming up in just a few weeks. I already put up my decorations, breaking my own rule not to mess with Christmas until Thanksgiving is over. BUT I DON'T CARE. My excuse is Liebhaber and I will be in the motherland for the week before Christmas, so putting out our decorations here a week early just balances stuff out. Plus, it makes me ecstatically happy every time I come home and the tree is plugged in and I can see it in the window as I drive up. MAGIC AND WONDER MY FRIENDS.

We bought our first Christmas tree, boy that was exciting. The Wal-Mart pre-lit special. We can't afford ornaments, but I think it looks pretty good anyways. Blairsters keeps eating it. I can't wait to find plastic pine needles in her poop.

We do want to buy one ornament, one to commemorate our first Christmas, but I can't find one anywhere that is right. I want something that is classy, but that is also "us." I'm envisioning glitter and sequins and some sort of hot pants and something that reminds me of the army of homeless men that reside in our neighborhood and maybe some sort of cat on it, also some reference to running, and fitness too, as well as eating eggs because that's all we've been eating for the past week and a half and I think that would be something to look back on with fondness. "Remember how we were first married and we ran out of groceries and money as well and then my job stopped paying me (I always seem to get those jobs) and so we just ate a shitload of eggs? Man, those were the days." And preferably with the year on it as well. If anyone has any suggestions, I would love that.

One of my very favorite Christmas traditions is the white elephant gift exchange. On Christmas Eve, my family gets together with 2 of my favorite hometown families, the Youngs and the Maxfields. And we stay up way too late playing games and eating delicious goodness. And we white elephant exchange.

I can't disclose what I am gifting this year, at least not yet, but I daresay it will be the belle of the proverbial ball. However, I get to go to another white elephant partay, and this one is with Liebhaber's XC team. Now, no offense to his teammates, but most of them are eggs. And not very nice at all, in my limited exposure. First I thought I would gift something odd and hysterical, but then I realized none of them would get it and it would be a waste of my comedic talents. Then I thought about gifting them something a bit malicious, like an Edward Cullen Barbie, and yelling QUEER! from the back corner when they opened it, and of course then laughing uncontrollably at my own joke, because I am a 12 year old boy and TOTALLY EFFIN HILARIOUS.

But then I found this, and the Christmas Spirit told me it was the ONE.

It's a baby chipmunk. Or a squirrel? Either way, it purrs erotically when you pet it. I KID YOU NOT.

Blair was seriously concerned.

It's one of those toys with a lot of rogue quotes all over the packaging. Is that sarcasm coming from the manufacturer or are you misleading children all over America and breaking their young, fragile hearts because you don't have the funding to make a toy real enough? Excuse me, "real" enough?

It makes "real" chipmunk noises!

"Feed" me my bottle!

I really "come to life!"

I'm just concerned for the children. Although, based on this little girl's reaction, maybe I shouldn't be.

Look at that true love. That's how I feel when I pet my baby squirrel.

WINK.

Forbidden Love

Three years ago I worked at an indian restaurant. I never actually got paid, but they gave us all the free food we could carry home, so I guess it evened out. I worked there with one of my GREAT friends, kolegg forrest. It was a good time. I like to think of it as my magestic foray into waitressing. I only dropped one tray the whole time I worked there. And I ate a lot of indian food. A LOT. One time, on a slower night, I locked myself in the big freezer and ate kheer until I wanted to barf. Broke every health code in the book. It was amazing.

Oh, also, the hispanic cook, Alberto, was in love with me and stalked me for 2 years after I quit.

He spoke no english. Also, he was convinced that I wandered around depressed all the time. While at the restaurant, he would hold my orders hostage while he gave me motivational mini-speeches. "Siempre sonries." "Eres mas bonita cuando estas alegre." Sometimes he would just look at me and go "mmmmm" while shaking his head and smiling. His nuggets of wisdom will be passed down through generations. He would also constantly question me on my love life, and since I was tragically single 99% of the time until Liebhaber came along, he would ask if he could be my boyfriend. No thanks, Alberto. I think your girlfriend/baby's mama/wife? would be upset about that.

He used to call me all the time, and send me bizarre texts. Most of them were winking emoticons with notes like "como estas raquelita." A couple of times he sent me a picture of Jesus with no explanation. And then there were the pictures he sent of himself.

I never did respond to his advances, but a part of me wonders what would have happened if I did.